Passion without perseverance is a tragedy, persistence without purpose is a mockery of human potential
The first step to reach Buddha-nature is to have self-awareness. There are many tools to find yourself from the easiest to more advanced levels. Checking your zodiac or asking astrology about yourself is one way, filling out the Gallup test or MBTI is another.
From my perspective, those are kinda close to each other. The psycho-tests show a snapshot of yourself. The snapshot of that 30 minutes when you filled out that questionnaire thinking about different situations. The spiritual approach amplifies some of your traits and you will concentrate on them from now on, so they will be emphasized in your personality.
I believe in all of them. I like to ask the cards, the Gallup, the MBTI, and the tests in women’s magazines. But the real deal is when I ask myself, my body, and my consciousness whether this aligns with my values. So in this article, I’d like to give you some tools to find yourself, to have something that helps you set your goals or change them.
Because
At the end of the day, we are what we do and why we do it
What are values
According to Merriam-Webster: something (such as a principle or quality) is intrinsically valuable or desirable. So it can be anything and nothing at the same time. It’s a concept in our mind. A guiding principle that leads us through life. It can be changed, thrown out, invented, or crushed. It’s a picture painted by ourselves to keep us on track.
Something that we can decide and hold onto until it serves us and our community. So don’t be afraid you can try out different ones just check if they fit you or not. Sometimes our values change so be it. Let’s change the path. Oh, but the mind will be furious. It likes to walk on the known stairs. Don’t believe it. It’s okay to take a different step, it’s not a failure.
And what proves that you can change them anytime?
The 6 evolution skills. Variation, selection, retention, fit, balance, levels of scale. Variation means that everything changes and we constantly choose the successful variants. If something works then we keep doing it, if not then we select the working stuff and tailor the other part to the situation. We constantly balance biological, cognitive, emotional, attentional, motivational, behavioral, and spiritual needs according to our surroundings, community, and ecosystem. We are part of the whole. So if it works for the whole then why do you question it when it comes to the one? You.
How to find our current values
There are endless methods on the internet. But I haven’t tried that many, so I’ll tell you about the ones I tried and the process, I went through.
From beginner to medium
My first time with values was list-based. I just searched for values on the internet and chose the ones I liked. Here is a list https://jamesclear.com/core-values.
After picking the ones I liked (I had at least 10). Because there were too many, I tried to add some proof. I collected stories and examples of why those things are important to me and what they mean exactly. I added how those things appear in my life and influence me.
After collecting the what, I started the why. I used the 5 whys method. It’s the easiest tool until the 2nd why. The concept of the tool is that you have to answer why 5 times. It’s pretty easy.
An example
- One of my core values is trust. It means that I can have trust in my teammates. Why?
- So I can be sure they are doing what we agreed on. Why?
- If they do not then I have to clean up after them. Why?
- I don’t want to be blamed and I like to be eminent. Why?
- I don’t want to feel incapable Why?
- I get too involved in other’s business and feel like everything is my business.
If you ask me the logic above is surely not impeccable, but it worked for me.
Was this a core value? Surely not.
Is this some good old negative thought from a subconscious need? Yeah, it is.
Do I want this to be one of the core of how I want to live my life? No way.
Then this is not a core value. It is not something that leads on, that drives me, more like something that holds me back.
It’s a negative example, but it can grow out from praise as well. Something that you were told like you are so loyal or you are always so tidy. But is it something that you want to encrypt into your personality? Is this something that’s truly you? Or just something that keeps you safe? Is it genuinely your meaning or just a label that helps you get through?
Another example:
- One of my core values is fun. Having fun while working. Why?
- Fun makes me grow. Why?
- It gives me an extra boost if I can spend my time with people that I can vibe and be in the flow. Why?
- I like to connect and build something awesome. Why?
- Because it’s important to me.
And that’s it. Your value doesn’t have to be something big awesome, approved by the Dalai Lama. The only thing that matters is that it’s important to you.
It’s easy to build your personality on comments from others, but it will sway you in unwanted directions. It’s also very demanding to find your way, your will, and your feelings, but I believe it’s worth a try.
When I first tried, I chose the 5 values and stopped. Sounds good the 5 whys, but I added those things later when it turned out that the simple 5 selected values don’t work. Honestly, trust was one of the core values. For a starter, it was good enough, but got me into alleys with creepy strangers.
10 life areas
If you don’t like the list, then you can check the 10 life areas. What do you want to achieve in those areas and what does it tell about you? Based on that, what are your core values?
The 10 areas:
- Work
- Recreation
- Community
- Spirituality
- Family
- Physical self-care
- Friends
- Education
- Parenting
- Intimate relationships
Writing your story
Or you can write your own story. Get into Wonderland and imagine yourself in the best state you can construct. Who are around you? What is your first thought in the morning? How did you spend your day? How do you feel yourself? What kind of feelings have in your body?
- How will you become more fully you?
- Where do you wish to grow?
- What kind of person are you yearning to be?
- If you were writing the chapter of the next year of your life, what would the theme be?
Identifying strengths
But also you can start from your lineage, from parents and childhood.
As kids, we get our main dogmas from our parents or grandparents and of course our genes as well. Maybe you are not so happy with what you’ve got, but let’s list the good things for now. I’m sure there are some things you adore about your ancestors even if they are blood-related or not.
| My mother’s virtues | |
|---|---|
| My father’s virtues | |
| My grandmother’s virtue | |
| My grandfather’s virtue |
After getting the best out of your family. Let’s look at you. Ask your friends, coworkers, and neighbors about you. So ask the people that you think can give relevant information. Don’t forget to balance these pieces of information depending on how close is that person to you.
| I think | My friends think | |
|---|---|---|
| I’m good at | ||
| I’m bad at |
Who are the ones who inspire you and why? Add at least 3 names to this list. Surely, there are some people or other things that inspire you.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
What valuable means?
My current method needs some patience and long distances. I recommend this for commuters or people with a lot of free time on their plate. But if you are thought-based and like to sit in silence for some time, then I think you’ll like it.
The only, simple question that has to be answered is what valuable means to you. Who is valuable and why? What makes somebody valuable?
From answering that question you will get your values. This will tell you what you want and how to connect to that stream.
In the end, when you dig deep you will find the subconscious need that genuinely sticks out. Maybe this need won’t be anything pretty or magical, but it will be important to you and you won’t know why but it’ll just matter.
Advanced
Sorry, but I’m not that old yet. But if you have an advanced story then I’m happy to hear it from you.
How to start?
Block your calendar for 2 hours. It’s hard to get the time to think about your values, and what matters in life. However, psychotherapy, panic attacks, depression, and burnout take a lot of time as well.
Don’t rush, take your time and put together something that feels real now.
And why does this whole thing matter? How can you use this? It will be discussed in the next article. I promise it will click when the entire series is ready.
