Acceptance, Presence

Everything is part of the world so our thoughts as well. We can embrace the beauty of a flower or be allergic to it. But even if you are allergic that flower can be still beautiful. You can judge yourself when you make a mistake or you can be kind to yourself. How you see the world is partly built in but the way you follow that thought is your choice.

Controlling emotions is a myth if you want them to disappear, but if it means that you open them in a safe environment then it is possible. You can feel rage, sadness, or fear. But shattering your granny’s Herendi is just plain stupid. Having a tantrum in the mall over 13 is a straight trip to a mental hospital. But you can carve out the time to be immersed in these emotions, and find a way that won’t hurt you or others.

Learn how to say no to refusing the baddies and accept them as they are, as you are.

Thoughts

Your thoughts often show you a biased picture of the world. So before you embrace the waves of emotions they raised, look at them closely. The goal is functional coherence. Letting in the useful and letting go of the unhelpful.

Exercise

Being with our thoughts – ACT exercise

Go into the thought, look at every part of it

  • Is this true all the time?
  • Compare it to other people
  • Who would you be without this statement
    • I’m …
  • Who are you without your stories?
    • I’m …

Rewriting your story – ACT exercise

Write down the whole story that’s bugging you recently. Circle all of the worlds that are reactions, like thoughts, feelings, memories, sensations or urges. Underline the external situations. What was left from your story if you leave out all of the underlined and circled parts?

Ego-based stories tend to be general. We make ourselves the hero or the martyr. We tend to identify with our feelings and make them our new personality. Instead of I am use I feel, I think. Are there any patterns in your story? Is it recurring?

Emotions

We have to embrace all the incoming feelings, but it doesn’t mean we have to wallow in misery all day. There will be times when you can’t choose but when you can, have some dedicated time to work on the little rascals.

Determine which feelings are the ones you’d like to walk away from and which ones are the ones you want to walk toward.

Conflicting mental processes can’t be present at the same time. If you love somebody then you can’t hate them at the same time even if you mix things together. So this means that you can learn how to manage your feelings.

Every emotion makes you stronger, welcome them like an old good friend.

Exercise

Caring exercise – ACT exercise

Pick a feeling that is hard to accept

  • Embrace it like you would embrace your dearest person
    • A great friend
    • A family member
  • Look at it like you are looking at an incredible painting
    • Change positions to see
      • The small details
      • The whole picture
    • What do you see?
      • Color
      • Touch
      • Smell
      • Sound

Feel it, breathe it – Body work

  • Close your eyes and concentrate on your current emotions
  • Name the loudest emotion that you feel now
  • Where do you feel this emotion in your body?
  • If you catch your thoughts start wandering pull them back to the emotion
  • Let this emotion go through you, get immersed in it
    • Don’t resist, just let it flow while taking deep breaths
  • Let the emotion fly away or change

A wider view – ACT exercise

Pick a difficult experience

  • Is there a specific bodily sensation? – say yes to it
  • Is in your family somebody with the same experience? – look at it with compassion
  • Is there a specific thought attached to it? – think that thought as a thought and drop any struggle with it
  • Is there something from this experience that you can learn from? – did something help you on this path
  • What is it suggesting you deeply care about? What does this painful experience say about your values and vulnerabilities? What does it suggest about what you want?
  • How would a hero overcome this challenge? How would she foster vitality and wisdom,
  • Are there other memories associated with this one?
  • If you could feel this experience without defense what would you be able to do in your life?

Being miserable is a choice – Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga.

Let’s choose something else today