Every day we start from where we find ourselves, with our own temperament, our own intellectual architecture, our own beliefs – Matthiew Ricard
Many of us chase happiness in our work, personal lives, and the world. We look for it in objects, people, experiences, even though it is supposedly within us.
Although many claim this is the case, I still recommend not believing anyone without trying it out for yourself. We can follow the guidance of hundreds of books, advisors, psychological approaches, gurus, and religions to find our own path. In the following series, we will explore what happiness is. I will share some techniques that I’ve gathered along the way that might also work for you.
The Series
Everyone has an image of what happiness means. We also know that constant happiness does not exist, but we can freely modify its degree, quality, and duration. But how? How can we reduce the negative thoughts and external influences that often overshadow happiness? How can we overcome a negative spiral that can last for weeks or even months? (Depression, of course, is a different matter. In such cases, it is worth seeking the help of a professional.)
On the bumpy road to happiness, my primary question was how to extend the degree and duration of happiness and shorten the negative spiral. In this field, I mainly delved into meditation, Buddhism, somatic exercise, and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Theory). Although, I am far from being able to write a thesis on the subject, I believe that my experiences so far may also set you on a path.
In the first part of the series, we will start with a brief theoretical overview, then slowly immerse ourselves in practices, and a bit more theory. As mentioned above, this is not comprehensive research, but rather personal experiences, so I am happy to discuss any inaccuracies over coffee/tea/wine with you.
Happiness
My primary question was what is happiness from a scientific standpoint. Do I have any influence over its degree, or am I just like this, a product of the genetic lottery?
Three main factors determine the degree of our happiness.
- Our Genetics
- 25% is inherited, including how much and how we can produce hormones
- The Environment
- In which and how we grew up
- Lifestyle and Thoughts
Since we decide for ourselves to a large extent how happy we are, it was worth diving into the topic. After all, if only one in three cherries has a worm, it’s worth a try. The rest will be turned into jam anyway.
So, we cannot change our genetics, and the environment we grew up in is already in the past. What we can work with is the present, our lifestyle, and our thoughts. Maybe corporate mindfulness trainings just popped into your mind. The scene where we breathe together in a zoom meeting. And then we forget even how to take a breath when we have to use it in action.
Happiness on Paper
Happiness is what you think it is. But there are those who spend a significant part of their time trying to grasp the question a bit more generally. Moreover, several movies provide guidance on what the basis of happiness is, from romantic novels to gritty urban dramas.
Since no one has been able to come up with a precise definition, most take the elements that induce happiness.
According to masters, our current happiness is determined solely by:
- How open we are to the world
- The degree of empathy and compassion we possess
- Whether we believe we have control over the situation
- Whether we can exhibit altruistic behavior
- Whether we believe things will get better – optimism
If we had to examine whether this is fulfilled in our lives, it would be a piece of cake. All the above are checked. Mostly. Generally. Sometimes. The problem arises when we are not open. When we attempt the same thing for the twentieth time and no longer care. When control slips from our hands, and we speed toward the abyss. Then, we might wish harm upon others in our frustration.
When hard times arrive, usually none of the above elements are realized. We peer out from our own cocoon with pitchforks at the outside world to protect our self-image. When we feel threatened or a need is unmet, we experience everything that can separate us from happiness.
Buddhism summarizes these obstacles to happiness in five points:
- Sensual Desire
- chips, chocolate, sex, cola, adrenaline
- Ill Will, Hatred, Anger
- it’s all their fault, and by the way, how do they look
- Sloth, Torpor
- there’s plenty of time for that
- Restlessness and Worry
- I think we’re going to break up
- Skeptical Doubt
- why bother, it won’t work out anyway
“Daddy drinks because you cry”
The formula is simple. Just suppress these feelings, and we’re all set.
If someone has experienced panic attacks, they might know that suppression is not always effective. It can be compared to a dandelion blooming in the middle of concrete, and you are the concrete, while the dandelion is the panic.
Thus, the formula is simple, yet it leads to a maze. My anger causes my unhappiness, but what causes my anger? And is this important at all? How can I be truly happy? If not that bar of chocolate on the shelf, then what is true happiness?
Buddha Nature
Fortunately, the answer and solution are straightforward. Buddha Nature. In this state, the individual completely detaches from status and fame and enters the phase of transformation and flourishing. The EGO is entirely transcended, and one exists in full awareness.
So, to overcome the obstacles to happiness, we only need to reach Buddha Nature. Luckily, we don’t even have to acquire it, because it is within us. We were born with it, so we just need to remind our body and mind how this thing worked, like high school German, or for some, Russian knowledge. It certainly won’t be an easy ride.
According to the wise, seven qualities will help us in this endeavor:
- Mindfulness
- Being aware of all physical and mental factors
- Examination of Religious, Moral, and Philosophical Teachings
- Vigor
- Resolutely heading towards the goal
- Joy
- Calmness of body and mind
- Mental and Physical Flexibility
- Collectedness
- Transcendent Equanimity
- Peacefully accepting adversities
So, the gate to happiness is just within reach, and it’s even specified what skills we need to practice to achieve it. But how do I get there? What if I can’t even accept a dirty sock on the floor with equanimity?
The Path Itself
Fortunately, there is an answer to everything. According to Buddhism, our goal should not be happiness itself, but overcoming the main causes of human suffering. So, we know what shouldn’t be, so we know what should be. All that’s missing is how this whole thing should be.
They have defined in five points what we need to do to achieve happiness. And if you’ve ever engaged in self-development or seen a Coelho quote on social media, you won’t find anything new here.
So our task is simply:
To find out who we really are
To transcend our EGO and find our true self
To let go of what is transient and unreal
To accept what is transient and unreal
To come to terms with death
If an immediate solution hasn’t dawned on you after reading this, then I definitely recommend this series of articles to you, of which you are now reading the first part. In the following articles, each point will be discussed in a moderately long article, with some practices to aid your path to happiness, spiced up with some thoughts. I hope you will stay with me a little longer 💚
/The topic of death will not be part of this series, but there will be some exercises and experiences for the other points that you might find worth trying./
Since a significant part of it comes from the ACT therapeutic toolkit, here are a few words about ACT:
ACT Acceptance and Commitment Therapy practices help to resolve the factors that inhibit happiness within us. Its 6 processes help build psychological flexibility.
https://neshnikolic.com/hexaflex
As a closing thought, let me share one of my favorite and often relevant reflections:
How wonderful human society would be if everyone contributed their own fuel to the fire instead of lamenting over the ashes.
Some thoughts came from my head some from these books:
Valpola Ráhula, Teachings of Buddha, A Tan kapuja, 2021
dr. Steven C. Hayes, A Liberated Mind – The Essential Guide to ACT, Ebury Publishing, 2019
Matthieu Ricard, Happiness, Bioenergetic Kiadó, 2022
